While reading “Foolish Words: The most stupid words ever spoken” by Laura Ward there are truly some foolish quotations. I’ve, in fact, read all 256 pages and took out some quotations I found interesting.
Politics
“James Bond is a man of honor, a symbol of real value to the free world” –Ronald Reagan …now here is one Bond fan ^.~
Let's poke fun at Bush =)
“You cannot be President of the United States if you don’t have faith. Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can’t be. And we are blessed. So don’t feel sorry for—don’t cry for me Argentina.”– George H.W. Bush, mangling his syntax and muddling his allusions
…great, is he going to sing next?...--like father, like son --“I have opinions of my own—strong opinions—but I don’t always agree with them.”--George W. Bush
…great opinions Bush…
“I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy.”– George W. Bush
…as oppose to non-foreign foreign policies?
“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.”– George W. Bush, talking about putting food on the plates of youngsters, in Greater Nashua, New Hampshire, January 27, 2000
…firstly, you don’t put food ON your family!! And secondly, stop lying. You don’t know…
“First I’d like to spank all the teachers…” – George W. Bush, in an address to American teachers on NBC…wonderful…
“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”– George W. Bush, Reuters, May 5, 2000…great, you noticed numbers…perhaps you should learn how to read as well….---------------
“If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.” – Richard Nixon
“I’m no linguist, but I’ve been told that in the Russian language there isn’t even a word for freedom” – Ronald Reagan in 1995 (there is, it’s svoboda) … yes we all can tell you are no linguist.
“You mean there are two Koreas?” –Richard Kneip, US Ambassador Designate to Singapore, upon being asked his opinion of the North-South Korean divide during congressional hearings…so that’s why he’s designated to Singapore…
The Law
“Question: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
Answer: He said, “Where am I , Cathy?”
Question: And why did that upset you?
Answer: My name is Susan.”- Courtroom exchange between an attorney and a witness ….dun dun dunn! LOL…
“Were you present when your picture was being taken?” – Attorney’s question to a witness…well duh!! How else can your body be in the picture but not yourself??!!
“Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?” – Attorney’s question to a witness in the courtroom
“Question: She had three children, right?
Answer: Yes.
Question: How many were boys?
Answer: None.
Question: Were there any girls?”- courtroom exchange between an attorney and a witness in the courtroom
…another well duh!! moment
“How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”– question to a witness in the courtroom
…um if they are far apart would the collision happen in the first place??
“Question: You went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
Answer: I went to Europe, sir.
Question: And you took your new wife?”– Courtroom exchange between an attorney and a witness
…why is it called honeymoon if it’s not his new wife…
“The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?” – Question to witness in the courtroom
“Question: How was your first marriage terminated?
Answer: By death.
Question: And by whose death was it terminated?”-- courtroom exchange between an attorney and a witness in the courtroom
… I guess the attorney could talk to ghosts?
“Question: Can you describe the individual?
Answer: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Question: Was this a male, or a female?”– courtroom exchange between an attorney and an expert witness
…I suppose females can have beards and referred to as hes?…
“Question: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Answer: The autopsy started around 8:30pm.
Question: And Mr [name] was dead at the time?
Answer: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.”– Courtroom exchange between an attorney and an expert witness with a particularly dry sense of humour ..hehe go witness! XD
Rich and Famous
“I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”– Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA Contest.
This was her answer to the question, “If you could live forever, would you and why?”
…I see the reasonable of the bunch…
“I would like to spank director Spike Jonze”– Meryl Streep,
misreading a faxed acceptance speech at the 2003 Bafta Awards
.. yikes, Spike Jonze, watch out! ^.~
“Where the hell is Australia anyway?” – Britney Spears…sometimes I really question her IQ…
“I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our fifty-two states”– Raquel Welch, speaking on Larry King Live“There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me”– David Hasselhoff …now here’s a narcissistic one…
History
“Earlier a woman apparently called the BBC and said there’s going to be a hurricane…well, don’t worry, there isn’t. But there will be some strong winds in Spain and across to France.”–BBC weatherman Michael Fish,
predicting a quiet night for the South of England on October 15, 1987 (the “Great Storm” that battered Southern England that night was the worst in 300 years, killing 18 people and flattening 15 million trees)
…see never trust the weather report…
“One death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.” – Joseph Stalin
“Let them eat cake.”– Marie Antoinette–she meant “brioche”, a sugary type of bread, but the comment nonetheless displayed her appalling ignorance of the famine and poverty then ravaging France.
“No audience will ever be able to take more than ten minutes of animation”–Walt Disney executive…then why make longer than ten minutes animation?
“There will never be a bigger plane built.”–A Boeing engineer, after the first flight of the 247, a twin-engine airplane that held ten people….now now, don’t be so certain of everything. Didn’t your English teacher tell you to never use never?
Business
“Pepsi brings you ancestors back from the grave.”– Foolish translation for the Chinese version of the US poster campaign for Pepsi, which in America had read, “Come Alive with Pepsi” (In Germany, the slogan was only marginally better: “Come alive out of the grave with Pepsi”)
…I wonder if this poster affected Pepsi’s sales …XD
Culture
“I remember your name perfectly, but I’ve completely forgotten your face.”– Rev.William Spooner …good one…
Fundamental Blunders
“Question: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
Answer: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying ‘Guns don’t kill people, I do’”– real answer from exam set by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (for offending drivers…)
“Question: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
Answer: What for? He can’t see my license plate.”– real answer from exam set by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (for offending drivers…)
“Cuba is a town in Africa very difficult of access.” – Schoolroom blunder
“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.” – from an answer in a science exam
“Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes and caterpillars.” – from an answer in a science exam
“A fort is a place to put men in, and a fortress is a place to put women in” – schoolchild’s attempt to explain the meaning of “fort” and fortress“
Sports
“That’s the fastest time ever run – but it’s not the fast as the world record” – David Coleman, BBC Sports commentator …yet it’s still the fastest time ever run??!!
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, former University of Kentucky basketball forward…well duh!! Unless you have knees on you head…
Phew. A lot of typing but worth it. Interesting quotes huh?
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