Yesterday (02-25) I had a mini reunion with two of my grade one classmates back in China. I'm still sad I forgot to take photos T_T What amazed me the most was how they still remember me. And that we all accidentally met on the street. Life is a funny thing. Our random encounter was on Thursday on the skytrain from Metrotown back home. I totally didn't want to go out that day but did anyways. Thank goodness I did. If I didn't or this never would have happened. I think I blogged about fate before and I really do like to think fate brought us together. I mean grade one classmates from China meeting in Canada. Pure craziness.
But talking to them today makes me nostalgic and sad in that I couldn't finish my elementary with them. In all honesty, for a while now, I think moving to Canada is a huge mistake for me. I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it. I feel I would survive better in China.
Firstly, I am not a good language learner. Ever since I moved to Canada, not knowing English, I lost my personal confidence, hence, losing my social and outgoing personality. I still suck at English today and lost my Chinese skills as well. That's like a double fail. If I had stayed in China, my Chinese skills would at least be up to par. I probably would be very successful to and living a healthy lifestyle.
Secondly, I feel the friends you make and the classmates you meet in China will last a lifetime...and not necessarily here. I mean my grade one classmates still remembers me and keep in touch with me! They just had an elementary reunion which will never happen here. How many people who I used to go to elementary with do I still talk to and am still good friends with? Maybe two? Going to a small junior high and high school, you'd think I'd make lifelong friends because of the small community. Dead wrong. I feel like I have no common language with them. I feel no one truly cares about you. It's just a surface thing that you are "friends". I'm too asian to make white friends or be friends with white-washed asians. But I'm not crazy obsessive with idols and celebrities and dramas. I don't appreciate sexual humor, not that I don't understand it but I think it's just crude and immature. And everybody I hang out are all younger than me and doesn't have this particular city-people outlook on life (I don't even know how to describe it because that prolly doesn't make any sense). Everyone is so academic orientated. Now you may call me a hypocrite since I probably party or drink even less than some of high school mates. It's not that I don't want to, it's because I have no one to go with.
Thirdly, I had always dreamed of going to a big junior high, big high school, living in a big city. And life just never goes according to plan. Instead I was stuck in Deadmonton for 10 years, stuck in a small junior high and an uber old and small high school that's filled with academic nerds. It's sad how the people I see in high school are the people I know from elementary.
GVH and OSA had made me socially inept.
I think there are a lot of misconceptions about me. Some may be true to a certain extent because I act differently with different people.
1) I'm a nerd: FYI I hate studying. I hate school with passion. Especially after junior high and high school. I hated high school. I didn't like any of my teachers except my PA teacher. But people think I'm a nerd because a) I go to an academically achieving school and b) I'm uptight about homework. I always ask other people because, you know what, I don't care about it enough to actually learn it and think on my own. Don't I have to get good grades? Because if you don't you won't get in university because the competition in this school is so high. Hated it.
2) I'm asexual: WTH I'm actually so offended by it. People think I don't know anything about relationships and love just because I never dated. Well I have this thing against dating younger guys. It just feels weird. But since I'm a grade behind (which is another stupid thing immigration did to me), I'm older than all the guys in my grade. Well then obviously I won't like anyone from my grade. I hated how I always sees the same guys because of the small school urrrg. I did have crushes (four to be exact). I didn't tell anyone because, well, there's no point and I rather not make a big deal out of it. And surprise surprise, they are all older than me. First one lasted through entire 4 years of elementary, two from table tennis, and one from older grade in high school.
People say I have high standards but I really don't. I only have two criteria: older and mandarin but speak fluent english. But for some reason, people that fit under those two criteria are really hard to find. They are either canto, or international students who speak mandarin 24/7 and doesn't know much english. Urg. I often think I must easier it would be if I had just stayed in China.
3) I'm uptight? I don't even know what to say to that. Whoever says that really doesn't know me. AT ALL
In the end, I'm sad because I feel like I wasted my entire childhood. I know I shouldn't linger on things like this because nothing will ever change and I should just move on. I think the only reason I can't let go thinking like this is because right now I don't know where I fit in. I have some really good friends but I haven't found one that I feel truly compatible with. And today, at the reunion, I just feel so at ease with my old schoolmates and felt a sense of belonging that I haven't felt for for a long time.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what life has in store for me and how my life will play out.
I just hope by blogging this all out, I can gain a peace of mind.
This is the song that I currently love because it's so sad in that it is something I will never experience.
This is the song that I currently love because it's so sad in that it is something I will never experience.
那些年
曲：木村充利 词：九把刀
演唱：胡夏
又回到最初的起点
记忆中你青涩的脸
我们终於来到了这一天
桌垫下的老照片
无数回忆连结
今天男孩要赴女孩最后的约
又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见你一定比想像美
好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后 故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合 你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱著她
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你
紧紧抱著你
又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见你一定比想像美
好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后 故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合 你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱著她
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你
紧紧抱著你
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
那些年错过的大雨
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你
紧紧抱著你
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